In a recent article in the Good Men Project, Cuddlist Kassandra Brown explores the connections between intimacy and power, especially for men.
Responding to comments on the article, Kassandra adds to it with the following:
I believe in the innate goodness of humans that no one hurts for the fun of it. We hurt for the fear of it. No one inflicts pain when they are in a state of compassion and wholeness.
People who feel a sense of internalized power do not hurt or objectify others. There is no need. When one is worried about losing power or being victimized or not being good enough, then they will strike out.
Men (and women) need to learn how to ask for the intimacy they want. This is no small feat. And the way they each person is listened to is key. I would like to see all of us learning better communication skills, asking for what we want, setting and keeping clear boundaries, and learning to trust ourselves and each other.
Many men as well as women have had hard experiences where they opened up and shared but got shut down or shamed. If this was you, you expected more compassion than you got. That can make you shy away from vulnerability.
Yet people crave being seen, welcomed, and heard. They are still opening up, but they are wary. They’ve been hurt before and would like to be received with grace and kindness. Not only do people get to experience how to do this in a Cuddlist session, they get to learn how to do it for the people in their lives as well.
Rewiring for connection and intimacy doesn’t happen all at one moment or in one sessions, but over time it can become a habit to meet one another with compassion and curiosity, asking for what you want, no longer tolerating and enduring touch (or other experiences) you don’t want, and being in loving human connection.
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