In an era where digital connection often replaces physical presence, more people are turning to cuddle therapy to fulfill a deep human need: touch. But this isn’t just about comfort—it’s about healing. And what if we told you that cuddling is clinically therapeutic? 

That’s right—cuddle therapy is now a legitimate, science-backed practice. It confirms what many have long felt intuitively: cuddling can be powerfully therapeutic. Today, you can book a session with a certified professional cuddler, someone trained in therapeutic cuddling to help you feel more grounded, connected, and calm—all in a safe, non-sexual, consent-based setting. These people are called Cuddlists

Here’s a deeper look at the top 10 reasons professional cuddling is more than a feel-good trend—it’s a wellness practice backed by biology, psychology, and emotional intelligence.

1. Oxytocin: The “Cuddle Hormone” That Boosts Bonding

Cuddling triggers the release of oxytocin, a powerful neurotransmitter often called the “cuddle hormone.” It activates the limbic system—the emotional center of the brain—fostering trust, reducing anxiety, and enhancing emotional connection. Research from the University of California shows that oxytocin helps people form closer relationships and can reduce social stress.

Whether you're cuddling a partner or booking a professional cuddler, this hormone is doing real emotional work.

2. Physical Touch Reduces Loneliness and Increases Joy

A simple full-body hug can stimulate the nervous system, lower fear, reduce tension, and increase feelings of appreciation and connection. According to Happiness Weekly, hugs act as emotional reset buttons, helping to combat loneliness and boost self-esteem. The American Psychosomatic Society even reported that brief physical contact, like hugging or hand-holding, significantly reduces the negative effects of stress.

3. Long Hugs Promote Happiness Through Serotonin

The longer the hug, the stronger the benefits. Extended, nurturing touch promotes the release of serotonin, a key hormone that boosts mood and fights depression. In his popular TED Talk, neuroeconomist Paul Zak recommends at least eight hugs a day to feel happier and more emotionally fulfilled.

Professional cuddle therapy sessions often last 60–90 minutes, giving your body the time it needs to release these feel-good chemicals.

4. Touch Helps Regulate the Nervous System

A hug or soothing handhold affects the galvanic skin response, changing the skin’s moisture and conductivity levels. These physiological changes help calm the autonomic nervous system, making you feel more balanced. In other words, touch doesn't just feel good—it helps your body function better.

5. Cuddling Lowers Cortisol, the Stress Hormone

Cortisol, often called the “stress hormone,” is linked to fatigue, pain, and emotional burnout. One study conducted by Beate Ditzen found that cuddling with a partner significantly reduced cortisol levels. Even short sessions of therapeutic cuddling can lower blood pressure and support emotional regulation—especially when done consistently.

6. Touch Stimulates the Brain’s Reward Center

According to neurologist Dr. Shekar Raman, touch activates the brain’s reward center, making you feel happier and more emotionally connected. “A hug, pat on the back, or even a friendly handshake can bring joy to both the giver and the receiver,” he told The Huffington Post. That’s part of why professional cuddling can feel so healing—it’s not just about comfort, it’s neurochemical.

7. Cuddling Strengthens the Immune System

Touch positively impacts your physical health too. Cuddling stimulates the thymus gland, which plays a major role in your body’s immune response by helping regulate white blood cells. This means professional cuddle sessions may not only soothe your mood—they may help protect your body from illness.

8. Short Hugs Create Long-Term Health Benefits

Even just a 10-second hug a day can spark a cascade of health-boosting effects: reduced heart disease risk, increased immunity, better energy, improved sleep, and even lower depression. It’s not magic—it’s just how our bodies are wired to respond to touch.

9. Cuddle Therapy Can Help You Sleep Better

Many people struggling with insomnia find relief in therapeutic touch. Cuddle therapy helps soothe the nervous system, reduce muscle tension, and calm overactive thoughts, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep. The calming chemical reactions involved in cuddling can be especially beneficial for those with chronic sleep disorders or anxiety-related insomnia.

10. Cuddling Can Reduce Late-Night Food Cravings

Believe it or not, cuddling may even help curb those late-night snack attacks. Some people turn to food for emotional comfort when what they’re really craving is connection. Regular, affectionate touch can help satisfy emotional needs in healthier ways—reducing the urge to raid the fridge at midnight.

Renowned psychotherapist Virginia Satir once said:

“We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth.”

While not all of us get that kind of daily connection, professional cuddling makes it possible to receive nurturing touch in a safe, supportive, platonic environment—no matter your relationship status.

So... Where’s Your Daily Dose of Cuddling Coming From?

Whether you’re navigating stress, loneliness, grief, or just need a break from the chaos of modern life, cuddle therapy offers a deeply human solution. With trained professional cuddlers available in most major cities (and virtual consultations on the rise), it’s easier than ever to access this unique form of healing.

Don’t underestimate the power of a well-timed hug—it could be exactly what your body and soul need today. 

Why Professional Cuddling Is Gaining Popularity — And Why It Might Be Worth Paying For

Cuddling, snuggling, embrace…there are so many ways to articulate how we can embrace another.

It is something that is done in families, amongst friends and even between romantic partners to express a variety of things from comfort, to support and even a way to tick someone off (I’m sure there are some siblings who can relate to a fierce “hug”).  One of the best things about professional cuddling becoming so popular is that we now have more ways to articulate how we can use healthy touch for a variety of people with whom our interactions may not be as instinctual (or as forgivable).  In this vein, I would like to share 7 quick tips to cuddle like a PRO!  Whether you are looking to become a Cuddlist or just model some healthy touch – these small tips will go a very long way…shall we begin?

Determine your motivation
Whether you are cuddling with your partner, family member or professionally it is thoroughly important to determine what your motivation is and what energy you are bringing to this interaction. Are you looking to comfort someone?  Looking to relax and unwind? Display affection to your child or spouse? With any of these, we bring the energy of that intention and it is important to make sure yours matches with the other person…which brings us to pre-talk.

Pre-talk
Once you have your motivation – chat it out with your partner.  This is the perfect time to set up your parameters, likes, dislikes and preferences.  This is also the time to chat about what your cuddle looks like.  Is it hand holding?  A hug?  Do you plan to sit or stand?  Is there anywhere you should be mindful of touching/being touched?  Preferred pronouns (if you are not familiar)?  What happens in case of arousal? What is the motivation for both (or all) of you? These are all things that increase your ability to be present and attend to both yourself and your cuddle partner in a way that opens the door for positive and effective communication.

Hygiene
While it should go without saying, it never hurts to be reminded that hygiene is of the highest importance in any contact/proximity based activity.  Being sure to have your teeth brushed, not putting on heavy scents (or generating them via body odor) and wearing clothing/jewelry that is not rough, abrasive or irritating to yourself or your cuddle buddy, will allow all parties to set the tone for the remainder of your time spent together.  Remember – when in doubt – pull the breath strip out!

Setting
Where to go, where to go?  This is actually much easier than it sounds, because the answer is – anywhere!  Seriously though, if you were to set up in a park, who is checking in on who your company is?  This is another element that builds on motivation and pre-talk.  Consider if you are indoors, outdoors, would you like music or are you more amenable to conversation.  The opportunities are truly endless; however, they are much more enjoyable once you have prepared in the best way you can.

Feel comfortable with your decision
Now that you have rolled these tips around your mind – the most important part is to feel comfortable AND confident in your cuddles.  Once you show how comfortable you are – or even articulate how (un)comfortable your feelings are, you’ve made yet another step towards reinforcing your desired environment and session.  As people, we can often sense when someone else is unsure/uncomfortable and take it to mean “we” did something wrong…and geez that would have ruined the progress made in pre-talk and setting.  The easiest fix is to consider your partner is as eager/nervous/excited/scared as you are…how would you want to be treated?  That’s a great place to start feeling a bit more comfortable and confident in your cuddling.

Gratitude
Cuddling in any form can generate a great deal of vulnerable feelings while also bringing up things we may not add to the list of groceries, laundry and chores.  When in doubt, appreciate your partner in an obvious (and respectful) way.  This can be a simple “Thank You”, a pat on the hand, a referral or…feedback.

Give & Receive Feedback
I must say a good compliment never hurts; however, I eagerly await feedback. Ideally, you both will have given and received feedback throughout the entire session by checking in, communicating your needs and communicating through any transitions.  Remembering that it is as much of a gift to give as it is to receive, be sure to really consider what it is you need, want and are curious about and how you would like to feel more supported.   As you share this with your partner(s), also take in what they are saying – open communication highlights the path to more enjoyable sessions with whomever you are cuddling with!

Desiree is a Professional Cuddler with Cuddlist.com and she is based out of Washington DC, Maryland & Virginia. Her skills & specialties are coaching, hypnosis & tantric rejuvenation. 
 

7 Tips to Cuddle Like a Pro

SHORTEST DISTANCE BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE IS A CUDDLE

In geometry class they taught us, “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.” That made sense to me then, and it makes even more sense now. A straight line is the most direct connection. There are no detours or meandering.

I would go further to say, “The shortest distance between two people is a cuddle” because I think a cuddle is potentially the most direct connection between two people. When both people have the intention to get something positive and healing from this physical act — you avoid the slippery slope of language. A cuddle says loudly and clearly: “I am trying to nurture you to the best of my abilities.”,

Is it possible for someone to be cuddled and not feel anything? It’s possible that the more open you are… the more you will receive. But I can’t imagine that a person wouldn’t feel anything. Hopefully it would give even a closed person a glimpse of the infinite tenderness they are capable of receiving.

“A cuddle says loudly and clearly: ‘I am trying to nurture you to the best of my abilities.'”

By day, I work with the visually impaired community. Sometimes for fun I like to ask the clients deep questions while they wait for their volunteers. Once I asked a question of Walter, a man who loves to make up bad puns all day and who carries a black backpack the size of a tuba on his back. “Walter, if you had a magic wand and had one wish — what would it be?” Interestingly, he didn’t ask that he could get his eyesight back. I’d have thought that’d be at the top of his list. Instead he said, “I wish I could love people better.”

“Wow, that’s a great answer,” I said. “What do you mean?”

“I put up a lot of walls,” he said with some sadness. Cuddling is the opposite of putting up walls. Cuddling is peering over and around walls, or removing them completely. Walls are built to prevent connection, to make the distance between two people greater. When we cuddle, it’s about two people letting themselves be vulnerable, coming to the encounter with open arms, open hearts. For me, cuddling is one way I try to love people better.

Let me end by telling you about two clients I’ve had as a professional cuddler in my first year with Cuddlist.com. I’ve changed their names.

“We hugged, we spooned, I held his head, caressed his face, we joined hands, talked, laughed. ‘I felt like I was cuddling with a good friend,’…”

For starters, she is a psychotherapist. When I learned that, two things went through my head. One, how cool that someone from a more traditional healing profession understands the therapeutic value of paying for cuddling. And two, how intimidating to be cuddling a professional therapist! Will she think I’m bogus?

I asked her what she wanted from the session. She said, “I want to be able to ask for what I want, and to receive what I ask for.” She said she was nervous, so I started by letting her page through The Cuddle Sutra, a book filled with several depictions of creative positions. She found one she liked and we performed it. We both lay back on the bed and she simply crossed one of her legs over mine. Such a tiny point of contact but it felt great. I felt the warmth where our legs crossed. I felt the comfort of lying beside someone, breathing slowly together with her. She loved it. And she got what she asked for!

Vincent is a salesman who has been happily married to a woman for a few decades. But some years ago, he was in Central America when he contracted a tropical disease and almost died. It made him look at his life differently. It awakened in him his desire for the touch of another man. He’d never heard of professional cuddlers or cuddle meetup groups until he stumbled upon them in a google search. That’s how he found me.

I asked him what he wanted. He said, “I’ve never cuddled with a man before. That’s what I want.” And that’s what we did. We hugged, we spooned, I held his head, caressed his face, we joined hands, talked, laughed. “I felt like I was cuddling with a good friend,” he said enthusiastically. He made an appointment to have a cuddle session the following month and Vincent became my first repeat client.

I love being a professional cuddler. I enjoy connecting with people and helping them get their touch needs met in an enjoyable, platonic way. I am in awe of how powerful therapeutic cuddling can be. At the end of the day, I’m one of those folks who likes to connect the dots. I’m a dot connector. I love to make the distance between myself and the rest of the universe a little less distant.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Dwight is a Professional Cuddler trained by Cuddlist and he is based out of Chicago, IL. His skills & specialties are: Being a facilitator of a regular cuddle group and a recipient of one-on-one professional cuddles. Dwight has learned the value of both group cuddling and private cuddling. Dwight has been a practicing Buddhist for over 25 years, working for world peace through individual happiness. Dwight believes cuddling is an inalienable right for all humans, whether they are partnered or single. Dwight is easygoing, a good listener, and has a good sense of humor. 
 

The value of physical touch and how it makes us happier

“I need a hug.”
“Kiss it and make it better.”
“Just hold me.”

We have probably all heard all of the phrases above. They are examples of asking for physical touch to feel better. Even the innocent phrase of a child ‘kiss it and make it better’ reflects how physical contact can make things, quite simply, feel better.

When I say physical touch here, I mean a gentle, caring touch that is comfortable for the recipient. In The Oxytocin Factor, a book published in 2003, author Kerstin Moberg explains that physical touch has a similar effect to an actual injection of oxytocin (pp. 110 – 112, 1). Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter, a chemical in the brain, associated with love, trust, and feeling good2.

Studies have shown that massage can help cancer patients with their symptoms of pain and depression. In a 2009 study researchers found that breast  cancer patients who were given regular massage felt better and didn’t get upset as much as a control group who did not receive the massage3, and a 2015 meta-analysis of multiple studies found that massage treatment helped cancer patients manage pain4.

While the studies mentioned  specifically refer to cancer patients, evidence such as that drawn from The Oxytocin Factor as mentioned above indicates that we can potentially generalize this information, and that it may have an application in other facets of life. What I believe is that regular, if possible daily, physical touch will help make you feel better and be happier. Below is are my suggestions for how to add some physical contact to your life, if it is not already part of it.

The best way to do this will be with a good friend, but if you do not have one close by, an open-minded acquaintance may do just as well. There are several different forms of casual physical contact common in our society. We will pick one or two of these and suggest it to our friend. The simplest is a hug. We want our hug to be 30 seconds to a minute long, if possible – though any hug is better than none.

Ask your friend, ‘Hey, I could really use a hug – is it okay if I hug you for a long time, like 30 seconds or a minute?’

If your friend says yes, just hug. Let yourself breathe and relax into the hug. Don’t squeeze too tight – you don’t want to suffocate your friend because that will make future hugs less likely.

Another simple form of contact is a shoulder massage. We would like to shoot for 5 – 10 minutes of gentle shoulder massage, but even a minute is good. If you don’t feel comfortable with a shoulder massage, you could also keep it to just a hand or forearm massage.

Ask your friend ‘Would you like to exchange shoulder massages? Maybe for about 5 minutes each?’

If your friend says yes, give a simple, gentle shoulder massage. For this, we want to be relaxed and not put too much pressure – you don’t want your hands to get tired, or to hurt your friend.

One more possibility is to simply sit back-to-back and try to feel each other breathing. If you can match your breaths to be at the same rate, even better. Again, 5 – 10 minutes is ideal, though even 1 minutes is helpful.

Sit back to back as comfortably as possible. Sitting cross-legged on the floor works well for some people, or putting two chairs next to each other can also work.

Keep your back as straight as possible while staying relaxed – try not to hold yourself too rigid.

You can talk or joke or read or just focus on breathing – the most important is to do your best to simply maintain that contact.

Besides the suggestions above, you can also look into the two websites https://cuddlist.com/ and http://www.cuddleparty.com/

These websites are a means to find a safe environment to experience a positive, non-sexual touch.

These are my personal suggestions – Do you think any of these forms of physical touch would fit into your life? Is there some other way of having a positive contact that would work better for you?

Moberg, K. U. (2003) The Oxytocin Factor: Tapping The Hormone Of Calm, Love, And HealingPinter and Martin, London, UK.

Wikipedia.org – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin

Listing, M., Reißhauer, A., Krohn, M., Voigt, B., Tjahono, G., Becker, J., Klapp, B. F. and Rauchfuß, M. (2009), Massage therapy reduces physical discomfort and improves mood disturbances in women with breast cancer. Psycho-Oncology, 18: 1290–1299. doi:10.1002/pon.1508

Lee, S. H., Kim, J. Y., Yeo, S., Kim, S. H., Lim, S. (2015) Meta-Analysis of Massage Therapy on Cancer Pain. Integrative Cancer Therapies 14 (4): 297-304.
DOI: 10.1177/1534735415572885

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Corwin Duncan is a Professional Cuddler trained by Cuddlist and he is based out of Denver, CO.
 

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Feeling Touched Is Feeling Better

Cuddle Therapy: Finding Connection Without Sex

Let’s be honest: we don’t talk about touch nearly enough. Not the sexual kind, but the human kind. The kind that holds your hand when you’re grieving, or wraps around you after a long day. The kind that says, “You’re not alone.”

When we think about intimacy, most of us default to sex. But what if we’ve been missing something? What if comfort, peace, and even happiness could come from closeness that’s completely platonic?

That’s the heart of cuddle therapy—a growing movement offering professional cuddling as a path to healing from loneliness, depression, anxiety, and the everyday ache of disconnection.

Cuddle therapy is exactly what it sounds like: structured, consent-based, non-sexual touch sessions led by trained professionals. It’s not about hooking up. It’s not code for anything else. It’s about showing up, being held, and letting yourself feel safe in someone else’s presence.

“Human connection is the most important thing we have, so how do we help people feel less alone?”

The answer is this: professional cuddling.

Because loneliness is real.

Because touch deprivation hurts more than we like to admit.

Because for those navigating depression, anxiety, trauma, or simply the chronic stress of modern life—being held, gently and respectfully, can be profoundly healing.

Cuddle therapy offers something that even talk therapy can’t always provide: safe, nurturing touch. And that kind of connection? It matters.

Professional cuddlers—called Cuddlists if they are trained and certified by Cuddlist—are compassionate practitioners. Many come from wellness fields: yoga, massage therapy, psychology, energy healing. What they all share is a deep understanding of consent, boundaries, and emotional presence.

Training includes a two week intensive with a mix of online coursework, live zoom classes, paired assigments, and supervision. It’s not just about technique—it’s about presence, ethics, and honoring each person’s need for comfort and connection.

After reading a clear, non-negotiable code of conduct on the Cuddlist website, you search for a cuddler by location. Bios and photos help you find someone who feels like a good fit.

There’s a pre-session screening—maybe a call, maybe an email—to make sure both you and the practitioner are on the same page. Safety and alignment come first.

Then, the session itself:

You meet. You talk. You agree on boundaries. You get comfortable.

And then? You cuddle.

Sometimes that looks like sitting side-by-side. Sometimes it’s lying down in a safe, warm embrace. You can talk—or not. You’re always in control, always respected. Consent is ongoing. Boundaries are honored.

It’s not about fixing. It’s about being. Together.

Many people who seek cuddle therapy are navigating grief, trauma, or life transitions. Some are survivors of sexual assault, learning to trust touch again. Others are older adults who’ve lost partners and are simply missing connection.

And many? They’re just human. Tired. Touched-out parents. Isolated college students. Single folks going through heartbreak. People struggling quietly with anxiety or depression.

Nothing is wrong with you if you crave comfort. You’re not too needy. You’re not failing. You’re just being human in a world that doesn’t always make room for your needs.

Let’s name it: professional cuddling still carries stigma. But it’s no different than any other form of therapeutic care. Remember when people thought acupuncture was weird? Or meditation was for hippies?

Cuddle therapy is walking the same road—toward acceptance, understanding, and, eventually, integration into mainstream wellness care. In fact, the University of San Diego is conducting a study on the emotional and psychological effects of cuddle therapy, measuring shifts in mood, compassion, and emotional resilience before and after sessions.

There’s this quiet shift that can happen as we age—especially after loss. In your 20s or 30s, intimacy often gets tangled up with sex. It’s what we’re taught, what culture models, what relationships seem to revolve around. But later in life—maybe in your 50s, 60s, or beyond—that narrative starts to soften. The ache changes. It’s not about sex anymore, not in the same way. It’s about connection. Honest, human closeness. The kind that doesn’t ask for performance—just presence. 

That’s what cuddle therapy offers: real connection. Real comfort. Real peace.

It’s not about fixing you. It’s not about performance. It’s not even about happiness in the big, Instagrammable sense.

It’s about this quiet truth:
You deserve to be held. Not just metaphorically. Literally.

So if you're feeling isolated, exhausted, or just craving something softer in your life, maybe it's time to rethink what intimacy can look like.

Because healing doesn't always come in big, loud breakthroughs. Sometimes it comes in silence. In stillness. In the gentle rhythm of breath, shared.

Sometimes, healing feels like the hug you knew, deep down, you really needed most. 
 

Back in 2016, The Washington Post published a thought-provoking article titled “What Professional Cuddlers Can Teach Us About Touch”, and even now, nearly a decade later, its insights feel more relevant than ever.

The article centered around professional cuddler Roxanne Krakowski and her journey into cuddle therapy, which began with a personal sense of emotional and physical disconnect—something many people still experience in our increasingly digital and socially isolated world.

Roxanne shared something deeply personal: that even in her marriage, she felt profoundly alone. Though physically close to her partner, she lacked the one thing her body and mind craved—touch. She described being starved for physical affection, despite sharing a home and a life with someone.

Her healing began when she discovered Cuddle Parties, consent-based touch workshops found all over the country an run by certified Cuddle Party Facilitators . These gatherings provided a safe, structured environment for people to explore non-sexual, nurturing touch—a concept still revolutionary to many.

One of the most poignant moments in the Washington Post piece came at the end of the interview, as Roxanne and the journalist were about to part ways. Roxanne asked the writer, “Do you want a hug?”

The writer agreed—automatically. But Roxanne followed up: “But do you really want one?”

That moment sparked an “Aha!” for the writer. She realized how often we go through the motions of touch without pausing to ask ourselves—or others—what we actually need. This, in essence, is what professional cuddling is all about: being intentional with connection, presence, and consent. It's not about the knee jerk reaction or a socially programmed response. You have to actually care about whether the other person wants a hug in that moment. In order to even notice that we have to slow down and check with ourselves first, not just respond from habit. Professional cuddlers help people do that all the time and it makes all the difference. The process of slowing down, waiting for a genuine responce, and showing that kind of caring transforms how we interact and how those interactions FEEL. They are more meaningful, more deep. They make us feel more connected and that feelings is what combats the lonliness so many of us struggle with.

Beyond the Hug: The Healing Power of Therapeutic Touch

Today, the field of professional cuddling—also called therapeutic cuddling or cuddle therapy—has grown into a respected, client-focused practice. Certified cuddlers, or Cuddlists help clients manage stress, anxiety, loneliness, grief, and even trauma, all through the power of platonic touch.

At Cuddlist.com, where Roxanne is part of our team, we continue to see firsthand how powerful touch can be when it’s safe, consensual, and emotionally grounded.

One of the most powerful parts of any article is the comment section—and the Washington Post piece was no exception. While some readers questioned the “commodification” of intimacy, others offered heartfelt support.

One comment response by a reader named M.C. Otter stood out, and it still resonates today:

“Glad you have all the touch you need in your lives. You’re lucky. I recently did an informal survey of friends. All of them said they wouldn’t date someone with serious depression, or an alcoholic, or someone with chronic immune disorders, or disabled, or PTSD… the list went on.

And yet, it’s okay to shame people who may not be able to find a partner for whatever reason. This is not about cuddling with someone you love vs. cuddling with a stranger. It’s about cuddling with a stranger vs. no human touch at all.”

This quote is a reminder that professional cuddling isn’t about replacing intimacy, but about meeting a very real human need that so many people go without.

The Bigger Picture: Touch Is a Human Need, Not a Luxury

In a post-pandemic world where loneliness and mental health struggles are on the rise, cuddle therapy is more needed than ever. Millions live without consistent physical contact—not because they don’t want it, but because life circumstances, trauma, or health issues make it inaccessible.

And that’s exactly why professional cuddlers exist.

We at Cuddlist have personally witnessed the emotional and physiological transformation that occurs when people receive nurturing, non-sexual touch in a professional setting. It’s not just comforting—it’s profoundly healing.

Final Thoughts: Ask Yourself the Question

When was the last time you truly asked yourself, “Do I want a hug?” Or more importantly—“Do I need one?”

Therapeutic cuddling offers a safe space to explore that need without judgment. Whether you’re seeking comfort, connection, or a deeper understanding of yourself, professional cuddling might be the wellness tool you didn’t know you were missing. 

“What Professional Cuddlers Can Teach Us About Touch”

What Professional Cuddlers Teach Us About the Power of Touch—And Why It Matters Now More Than Ever

10 THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM BEING A PROFESSIONAL CUDDLIST

When I heard about cuddling as a profession I was intrigued.

I’ve always enjoyed showing affection through touch. So when I heard that I could translate that natural inclination into work that I could share with people, I jumped in enthusiastically and became a professional cuddler.


Here are 10 things I’ve learned along the way:

PROFESSIONALS GET NERVOUS TOO
Before my first session as a client (I wanted to experience it from the client’s perspective first) I was surprised to find myself super nervous. I had sweaty palms, fast-beating heart, the whole flurry of physical alarm bells! “It’s cuddling,” I told myself. “Why should I be nervous?” But I had to acknowledge that I was about to share this potentially very intimate experience with a guy I had met just once before, at a Cuddle Party, appropriately enough.

As an experienced Cuddlist, he reassured me that getting nervous and feeling awkward happens to both clients and professional cuddlers. Cuddling is about being human and creating a safe space to show up with all our feelings.

CUDDLING MIGHT SOUND LIKE NO BIG DEAL BUT IT CAN BE VERY INTIMATE
Touch is a basic need we all have but living in a not so touchy-feely culture, it can be hard to find ways to meet that need. I’ve heard people say that cuddling can be more intimate than sex. With sex, we have a set of conditioned expectations and ways of behaving. We can easily fall back on a default “script.” For example, if two people are holding each other, it must mean the the door is open for something sexual to come next.
With cuddling, we’re in new territory. Nothing is taken for granted. Instead, we create an experience with another person based on feeling and what we want in that moment. Without a “script” it might feel more intimate to hold eye-contact or hold hands than to have sex.

CUDDLING COMMUNICATION SKILLS WILL HELP IN YOUR DAILY LIFE
Knowing one’s boundaries, asking for what you want, getting comfortable saying NO – these are huge! So much of the work I do in my sessions is sharing clear communication with clients. It’s often very hard for clients to ask for what they want. Sometimes they don’t even know what that is, much less feel comfortable asking for it. Saying no can also feel very difficult for people in this kind of setting. But that’s what’s amazing about cuddling, it’s a space where we get to practice these skills. These communication skills are human connection skills. As we practice them, we become more confident about having our needs met and being able to trust and connect deeply with other people.

BEGINNER’S MIND. ASSUME NOTHING
I’ve learned not to get in my head and not to think I know beforehand what is going to happen. Just because I like to be touched or held in a certain way, that doesn’t mean everyone else likes the same thing. So the practice is to stay awake and present in each moment. What is happening here, right now, with this person? Bringing this attitude keeps things fresh and interesting.

I WASN’T AS OPEN AS I THOUGHT
And that is ok. When I started cuddling I felt that I would be a natural at it. My background as a bodyworker and coach and my nurturing personality made me feel like I was born to do this. I saw the potential for healing and connection that it offers. What I did not expect was to find that there were times when I was not as “open” as I thought I should be. The closeness that happens in cuddling can feel very vulnerable and taking care of yourself means not forcing yourself to be more “open” than you really feel.
I had to look at this expectation within myself. Because if I was offering a safe space for my clients to honor their own boundaries, I had to get really honest about my own limits on any given day. So it became part of my own practice and my own healing as I did this work.

IT’S OFTEN HARDER TO RECEIVE THAN TO GIVE
As a healer/coach I felt quite skilled in creating a space where my clients could feel free to open up and have a transformative experience. But with cuddling, I was also receiving in the process. I saw how much easier I find it to take care of someone else. It’s much more vulnerable to also receive.
Allowing ourselves to receive and let in that touch or attention from another person can feel confronting if we feel we should be “taking care” of them. Letting go of that expectation opens us up to have a new level of freedom and connection.

THE RECIPROCAL NATURE OF CUDDLING MAKES IT DIFFERENT FROM OTHER MODALITIES
Cuddling is like a partnered dance, when you get into a great flow, you can’t quite tell who is “leading” and who is “following”—you are creating the experience together. When you give touch, you cannot help but receive in the same moment. When you hug or hold someone, you are also being hugged and held. That makes professional cuddling totally different from other therapies such as massage where there is a clear “giver” and “receiver”. It has been a great opportunity to grow in my ability to be real in connection with my clients, and that benefits us both.

DON’T PUSH THROUGH RESISTANCE
Honor it. Be curious about it. Inquire and play with it. If your body doesn’t feel safe, there will be clues or even just a vague feeling that says “NO”. Trust that. You can’t fake safety. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t force yourself or your body. Many of us have more resistance to touching and closeness than we even realize. It’s important to not blast through that resistance but instead to create safety and inquire. You can still find your edge and be with some discomfort as a way to grow but go at a slow enough pace that you can actually notice where that edge is.
A cuddling session is a great space to get in touch with our own sense of what feels safe and practice taking care of ourselves. This can be powerful because it’s not theoretical, it’s happening in real time with another human being.

VULNERABILITY IS POWER
This idea has become cliche in personal development circles but it holds true. Without vulnerability, there is no real intimacy or connection. It takes vulnerability to be open about our needs with another person, to let ourselves be seen without masks, without performing. And yet when we take the risk to be vulnerable and real, we are rewarded with the power of connection, not only with the person who is sharing that moment, but also with ourselves.

TOUCH IS AS VITAL AS FOOD OR SLEEP
People might hear about cuddling and think it sounds self-indulgent. Not so! Touch is vital. Unlike food or sleep, you can go without touch and not appear to be suffering from missing that “nutrient”, but studies done with babies who didn’t get touched showed what researchers called “failure to thrive.” That need for nurturing touch doesn’t go away once we’re adults. If it isn’t met, it goes underground and might express itself in any number of addictive behaviors through which we try to get those needs met. Compulsive eating, excessive drinking, workaholism, you name it.When we do get the touch that is so vital to our wellbeing, many of our issues and compulsions naturally fall away. We find ourselves back in our natural state of being grounded, expansive and happy to be alive.

I have learned A LOT through working as a professional Cuddlist. This work has been healing and profound, fun, and full of surprises. I feel lucky that I came across Cuddlist.com and found out that I could share this with people professionally. I know people out there need this. Until we build a culture where people are able to get the touch and connection that they need to thrive, we’ll definitely need professional cuddling. See you on the cuddle mat!

Patricia is a Professional Cuddler with Cuddlist.com and she is based out of NYC. Her skills & specialties are Bodywork Life Coaching Health & Nutrition Counseling Yoga.
 

From the moment I discovered the power of touch decades ago, it remains on the top of my ‘self-care’ list and something I have chosen, that I will not do without.

For me, cuddling, hugging and touch are like air; without them, I wouldn’t survive. Not very well, anyway. Limiting myself to share only nine reasons for my love of cuddling is going to be difficult and I’ll confess that I considered adding a few more … sneaking them in amongst the nine reasons. What harm could come from doing that?

Then I considered one of the first reasons having to do with my love of cuddling; the rules of boundaries and consent in place for both parties involved.

Now this places my short-lived plot to slip in a few more reasons in a different perspective. If I were to ignore the boundary set for this post without requesting the consent to add more, I would be doing a great disservice not only to my blog host, but to myself.

Honestly, it’s a relief at having to only consider nine reasons why I love cuddling. Now a reasonable boundary is in place and with this, a rather welcome structure to the project, much like a cuddling session where both parties know that they won’t have to do more than they’re comfortable with. This opens me up to truly enjoying the task at hand without needing to worry that it’ll go too far.

Needing to take a break from the stifling heat and humidity that’s seemed to permeate our lovely Garden State of NJ, I slip into a local Starbucks to treat myself to an iced coffee, opting to take advantage of the unusually small crowd and stay a while to work on my blog post.

A group of at least eight twenty-somethings are gathered together, taking up all the best seats so I choose a quiet table towards the back. As I begin to make notes for my post, I can’t help but people watch; something about this group draws my attention.

It’s obvious they’re here together but as I look closer, I realize they aren’t truly ‘together’. Physically, yes, but only three of the eight seem to be mindful of one another and fully present. The others are either on their phone or tablets, occasionally looking up at the person talking but it’s clear they’re not truly ‘hearing’ them.

One woman in particular catches my attention as she gazes almost longingly out the window and I wonder what she’s thinking. The look on her face seems to say that yes, she’s here with her friends so she’s not alone but in the same respect, she’s lonely. She sighs deeply.

 “I’m still learning … still trying to be brave … still struggling to step outside my comfort zone and cross into a territory many might be uncomfortable with.” 

Suddenly, I feel the heartbreaking disconnect of our over-connected society and have the sudden urge to stand up, walk over to her and ask her if I can give her a hug.

I stay seated, warring with the introvert within about stepping outside my comfort zone and going back to what I was originally here to do and mind my business.

Too often that’s the choice we make, the choice I made today, and one I still feel regretful for. I’m still learning … still trying to be brave … still struggling to step outside my comfort zone and cross into a territory many might be uncomfortable with.

This brings me to the second reason I love cuddling – it offers a forum to truly connect with another human being in a warm, safe, mutually welcoming space. To be present and mindful during the time spent together assuring that for at least that hour, neither of us feels alone or lonely. In this space and time, we are not; we have one another … unconditionally and without judgment or fear of rejection.

The third reason I love cuddling – the personal growth I gain each and every time I step outside of my comfort zone to contact a potential client. In doing so, I share a part of myself as we get to know one another, open myself to being awkward and vulnerable, setting the space for a mutual experience of exploration of touch and connecting as we embark on a session.

“With cuddling, though, I can choose who I want to cuddle with; not because of their gender, sex, age, orientation or any other societal based judgment quotient, but simply because their energy feels good to me and I know we’ll both benefit from a session."

Time to stop people watching and get back to work. Six more reasons to go. As I’m jotting down a few notes, I feel a presence and glance up. An older gentleman is standing over me and asks if he can join me. A moment passes before I politely say no, stopping short of explaining.

I hold my breath. The world didn’t come to an end. An uncomfortable scene didn’t ensue. He seems nonplussed at my response, gives me a smile and walks away.

Before training to be a Cuddlist, I would have felt uncomfortable saying no to his company, fearing I’d offend him if I were to listen to my body and mind, actually take care of myself, and just say no.

The fourth reason I love cuddling – learning to say no and not feel guilty nor feel the need to explain. No. It can be a sentence. And learning to do so is having a positive effect in nearly every aspect of my personal life, as I imagine it does for my clients.

Considering what just transpired, I realize that the fifth reason I love cuddling is having the opportunity to meet and spend time with other human beings looking for a similar connection. With cuddling, though, I can choose who I want to cuddle with; not because of their gender, sex, age, orientation or any other societal based judgment quotient, but simply because their energy feels good to me and I know we’ll both benefit from a session.

“Knowing that one can explore and enjoy the delicious pleasure of touch and all the sensations doing so can bring, without the worry or pressure that it will go anywhere other than the strictly platonic boundaries already in place, is a freedom like no other.”

Which brings me to the sixth reason I love cuddling – The health benefits of physical touch. Our skin is the largest organ of our body and is very responsive and sensitive. Even a gentle touch releases the hormone “oxytocin” – the feel-good hormone – which helps relieve stress, lessen anxiety, depression and creates a sense of happiness and well being.

Improves Mood:  Platonic touch has been proven to release oxytocin in the brain, the feel good hormone, and studies show the giving or receiving of affection in ways such as hugging, cuddling, holding hands, etc. can help us feel better, relieve physical pain, reduce anxiety and instill a sense of calm.

Lowers Blood Pressure:  The feel-good hormone released during physical touch has been proven, over time, to lower blood pressure and reduce the risk of heart disease.

Reduces Stress:  By having daily physical contact with someone, you can decrease stress, increase relaxation, and improved sleep.

Improves Self-Esteem:  Individuals who are touch deprived are usually less satisfied in their lives and relationships and may suffer from reduced self-esteem.

Improves Sense of Well-Being:  Touch deprivation can leave a person feeling disconnected and lonely from people, and society in general. By engaging in regular physical contact with others, one can significantly increase their overall sense of well-being.

The seventh reason (and perhaps one of my favorite reasons to love cuddling) is quite simply the pleasure derived from the touch and feel of another human being. With boundaries in place, consent having been discussed, and both parties in agreement, the cuddling can begin. Knowing that one can explore and enjoy the delicious pleasure of touch and all the sensations doing so can bring, without the worry or pressure that it will go anywhere other than the strictly platonic boundaries already in place, is a freedom like no other.

Human beings thrive on contact – physically and mentally. Cuddling helps individuals find relief from everyday stress, anxiety and even the loneliness induced by our virtual world with platonic physical interaction – cuddling, holding hands, conversing or any combination therein, all while in a safe, warm and confidential environment.

Knowing I am a helping introduce and perhaps instill in others all of the above benefits of cuddling (and those yet to be shared) is one of the most profound and humbling realizations of all and the eighth reason I love cuddling, for all it does for others and all it does for me. There’s no better feeling than that of my client letting loose a deep, content sigh and relaxing fully into my arms.

Gathering up my things, I head towards the door and head out into the fading sunlight. A few doors down, I see a man collecting money for a veterans organization. Walking over, I make a donation, noticing he, himself, is a veteran. I thank him for his service and ask if I can give him a hug.

He smiles in surprise and quickly says yes, so I give him a good, long hug … one filled with gratitude, unconditional love and genuine warmth. He hugs me back, returning the sentiment and commenting that I certainly know how to hug. We laugh, parting gently. He thanks me and I walk away feeling warm and elated.This is the ninth and one of the best reasons I love cuddling. The human connection.

Karen is a Professional Cuddler with Cuddlist.com and she is based out of New Jersey(Hunterdon County, NJ / Lebanon and Clinton). Karen is a student member of the National Health Alliance, studying towards a ‘Cuddle Professionals International’ diploma & a sustaining member of the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy Guides and Programs (ANFT). View Karen’s profile and book a session with her here.   

View Karen’s profile and book a session with her here.

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